


Master Potioneer Junior

by Anonymous_Username



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling, MasterChef (TV) RPF
Genre: Crack Treated Seriously, Gordon Ramsay teaches potions, I just really love Masterchef Junior, I wrote this to impress a boy, Someone give this kid a break, What if Snape didn't ruin Neville's confidence?, tbh
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 13:22:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,312
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11487258
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anonymous_Username/pseuds/Anonymous_Username
Summary: Gordon Ramsay was a genius, nobody could dispute that, but he was also, coincidentally, bloody fucking insane and scary as hell. The perfect combination for a Hogwarts professor.Or, the story of how Gordon Ramsay decided to teach potions at Hogwarts and made a positive difference in a child's life.





	Master Potioneer Junior

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this at midnight and have no regrets. Lemme know how it is in the comments.

Gordon Ramsay was a genius, nobody could dispute that, but he was also, coincidentally, bloody fucking insane and scary as hell. The perfect combination for a Hogwarts professor. 

The man was known to brew the most difficult of potions with ease. Ramsay mastered Polyjuice Potion by second year and Felix Felicis by year four. He turned his considerable talent into a considerable empire by opening up breweries full of his newly invented potions (as well as the classics) across the entirety of the wizarding world.

Ramsay expected only the best from his numerous staff, and was known for his sadistic and creative insults (not to mention their considerable volume). He inspired awe and fear in all who met him, especially those who had the misfortune of meeting him in the potions lab. 

Ramsay’s reputation was just the right mix of brilliant and infamous that it attracted Dumbledore’s attention right away. Well, more like the old bastard had his eye on Ramsay since he was a student and had tried to recruit him for almost as long. No matter what Dumbledore said to try and convince him to teach, Ramsay always refused, that is, until he didn’t.

Gordon Ramsay was no fool, and he had heard the whispers of He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named’s slow uprising (he was a Slytherin to his very core after all), he knew that the Boy-Who-Lived (who would soon be attending Hogwarts) would need to be properly educated in order to defeat the Dark Lord once again. And if anyone could do it, it was him. 

If Dumbledore was surprised at Ramsay’s sudden willingness to accept the job, he gave no clue. Instead, he welcomed the new Professor Ramsay with open arms and a mischievous twinkle in his eye.

The rumors were already circling on the train to Hogwarts about Professor Ramsay. The older students, sixth and seventh years planning on taking advanced potions, traded horror stories in half whispers like scared little first years. 

“My auntie worked at his lab in Berlin” claimed a Ravenclaw girl, leaning forward eagerly “she said he once took two slices of toadstool and slapped them on either side of a girl’s face and made her call herself an ‘Idiot-Sandwich’.”

“Bullocks” snorted a Gryffindor boy, slouching back in his seat with a dismissive smirk “your auntie must’ve been the ‘Idiot-Sandwich’ if she thinks anyone would believe that rubbish story.”

“It’s true!” argued the Ravenclaw loudly “Just wait until you meet him you slimy git! I’m not even taking potions this year, but I would just to see what kind of torture he would inflict on your sorry arse!”

The boy chuckled at her outrage, but secretly his Gryffindor courage faded at the thought of the infamous potion master’s infamous wrath.

Indeed, on the first day of classes the 7th year NEWT level class was the first to descend down the dungeon steps to the potions classroom. All of them were secretly (or not so secretly) terrified of what would happen when class began. Of course, their fear only made Ramsay smile as they shuffled in. Oh yes, he would have some fun with these overconfident 17 year olds. 

There was no shortage of tearful students rushing out of the classroom at the end of the period. Ramsay’s yells echoed through the dungeons all that morning as he mercilessly introduced himself to the advanced and older students.

Dumbledore in his office paused his reading at the sound of a distant yell, then shook his head and continued. 

After lunch, it was to be the first years’ potion class. Lunch was rife with horror stories pertaining to Professor Ramsay’s class, which did little to soothe their nerves. 

“He’s a bloody monster” The Gryffindor boy griped to the Ravenclaw girl “I don’t know how your auntie could possibly work with him without wanting to cast an Unforgivable on him, or herself!”

The Ravenclaw girl just smiled in satisfaction at the boy’s admittal of defeat, while the younger students around them (the first years in particular) practically quivered with anxiety.

In particular, Neville Longbottom barely touched his lunch. His stomach was tying itself in knots as he thought of the monstrous professor in the dungeon. Neville knew he wasn’t very gifted in, well, anything in his opinion (and Gran’s) but he desperately hoped he wouldn’t be too terrible at potions so as not to incur Professor Ramsay’s ill will.

When it finally came time to head down to potions, Neville tried to summon his supposed Gryffindor courage, but to no avail. Every step down the long and twisted staircase felt like a step towards the executioner’s block. Neville sat at the very back corner of the room and tried his best to make himself invisible.

Of course that plan didn’t work.

Professor Ramsay put up the directions for a simple hair dyeing potion on the chalkboard to test the classes’ combined skill level. All of the students hurried at once to begin, eager to not anger their professor. 

Ramsay walked along the rows of cauldrons, occasionally stopping at one student’s for a while longer to give a small critique (or in Hermione Granger’s case, a small word of praise). Neville tried his best to follow the directions printed in front of him, but his eyes kept wandering to where Professor Ramsay was standing (a mix of morbid curiosity and a fear of being caught off guard). That was, until his cauldron began to smoke.

Neville jumped back in alarm as he looked down into his angrily smoking cauldron with horror. Professor Ramsay hurried towards him with an intense look in his eyes, and Neville shrank back even further.

“There there, don’t you worry” Professor Ramsay soothed as he started stirring with his own wand “mistakes happen to the best of us.”

Neville gazed back at the professor in shock as Professor Ramsay gently explained where Neville had gone wrong and how easily fixable it was. The rest of the class was openly staring as well as Ramsay beckoned Neville back to his cauldron with clear instructions as to how to cool down his potion, and to ask him for help should he need it. 

The rest of class continued smoothly as Professor Ramsay oversaw the rest of the potion-making process. At the end of the lesson, the students each took a vial and put a sample of their finished product on the professor’s desk. They all kept sneaking glances at Neville though, trying to figure out what was so special about him that he didn’t get punished by Professor Ramsay. Neville himself wondered the same thing as he self-consciously placed his vial down. Neville was the last in line, and after everyone else had left the room he summoned his meager Gryffindor courage and shuffled over to Professor Ramsay at his desk.

“Thank you for helping me today sir,” Neville said, refusing to meet the professor’s eyes “I promise I won’t make any more stupid mistakes.”

“Well that’s a stupid thing to promise.” stated Professor Ramsay as Neville flushed with shame “Everyone makes mistakes, that’s how they grow, how they get better, do you think that I never made a single stupid mistake in my entire career?”

Neville looked up in surprise “You mean you’re not cross with me sir?”

“Of course not” Ramsay assured him with a small smile “now run along to your classes or I’m afraid you’ll be late.”

At that Neville smiled back tentatively and dashed from the room, almost tripping on his too long robes in the process.  
Gordon Ramsay has been called many things in his life, most of them rude and not fit to be documented. 

Gordon Ramsay has said many things in his life, many of them he regrets. 

Gordon Ramsay has done many things in his life, but perhaps his most significant was believing in Neville Longbottom from the very beginning.

**Author's Note:**

> I'm marking this as complete but if anyone has anymore Professor Ramsay headcanons I might reconsider.


End file.
